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		<title>Xander is pansexual! &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/07-July/26.xhtml&gt;</title>
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		<header>
			<h1>Xander is pansexual!</h1>
			<p>Day 00872: Wednesday, 2017 July 26</p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		The business cards arrived.
		Now I just need to find a good way to carry them to and at the festival without damaging their corners.
		I&apos;ll probably find some sort of container for them.
	</p>
	<p>
		At the <abbr title="Department of Motor Vehicles">DMV</abbr> today, I handed my paperwork to a representative and said I needed to update my <abbr title="identification">ID</abbr>.
		The representative looked over my paperwork, then asked me to check their monitor to see if the info was correct.
		They didn&apos;t notice the change of sex on the paperwork, so it wasn&apos;t updated.
		So ... what did they think I was doing?
		I mean, I understand not noticing, but then they should go back and find what changed.
		It wouldn&apos;t make sense for me to &quot;update my <abbr title="identification">ID</abbr>&quot; and then not actually change anything.
		Everything did work out though, and my new <abbr title="identification">ID</abbr> will arive in about ten days.
		It cost me $40.5 <abbr title="United States Dollars">USD</abbr>, but for the happiness and confidence it&apos;ll bring me, it&apos;s certainly worth it.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="mental">
	<h2>Mental health watch</h2>
	<p>
		Why does my sexuality have to be linked to my unstable gender?
		When I&apos;m Lexi, I&apos;m attracted to men.
		I can&apos;t stand the thought of having a woman as a partner.
		When I&apos;m Xander, I find women attractive, but I can see myself having a successful relationship with someone of either sex.
		Part of this is probably because when I&apos;m Xander, I&apos;m not really interested in sexual relations, so the body of my partner is far less important than their mind.
		I need somone I can connect with on a mental and emotional level.
		...
		Oh, wow.
		I just figured out what&apos;s going on here.
		I&apos;m more logical and intellectual as Xander.
		Lexi&apos;s heterosexual (or because she&apos;s got a man&apos;s body, technically homosexual), but Xander&apos;s pansexual!
		This explains my disgust with myself for being unable to consider a female partner.
		My Xander side feels he should be able to see past a person&apos;s genitalia, because he actually does possess this capacity.
		However, my Lexi side doesn&apos;t have this ability.
		It&apos;s not who she is.
		I don&apos;t even know what to do with this information at the moment, but it&apos;s nice to understand myself better.
		I thought that Lexi&apos;s sexuality was so much stronger than Xander&apos;s to the point that Xander wasn&apos;t even allowed to think about the woman he wanted to be with.
		This isn&apos;t the case though.
		Lexi and Xanader have differing, but not contradictory, needs.
		Xander&apos;s sexuality might actually be just as strong as Lexi&apos;s.
		I probably need an intellectual gay man if I&apos;m going to make a relationship work.
		I feel like if I can figure out what I am and how my mind functions, I can make sense of things better and learn what it takes to be happy.
	</p>
	<p>
		A bit later, a sudden realisation struck me: Xander&apos;s pansexuality is why I don&apos;t lust after strangers when I&apos;m Xander!
		As Lexi, I kind of do, but as Xander, I&apos;m not interested.
		It&apos;s because I don&apos;t know them on a personal level, and Xander loves minds!
		It all makes sense now.
		This duality also explains why I can&apos;t understand my own emotions.
		Lexi&apos;s emotional, and thinks with her heart.
		Xander&apos;s intellectual, and feels with his mind.
		When I switch genders, I&apos;m not able to fathom what my other self was thinking or feeling.
		I&apos;m Xander at the moment, so what strikes me is Lexi&apos;s need to be the woman of the relationship.
		She wanted to be treasured and protected, but upon reverting to at least a partial Xander state, my interpretation of what she wanted was to be some man&apos;s bauble, their trinket, their <strong>*belonging*</strong>.
		It was humiliating and degrading.
		Will I ever be able to understand myself?
	</p>
	<p>
		Furthermore, I think Xander might not be the masculine figure I thought he was.
		Xander seems more practical and beyond the concept of gender.
		I&apos;m almost certain Lexi got repressed for a few years because of some research I did a while back.
		I was taking a course on the differences between the genders.
		Research and education tend to put me in Xander mode, so I was probably Xander at the time, even though this was long before I knew about my duality.
		I read some stuff about how those of the feminine gender think, and decided that there was no way I was feminine, nor did I want to be.
		I would have been Xander at the time though, not Lexi, so of <strong>*course*</strong> I didn&apos;t want to be feminine right then!
		Anyway, the desires to be a woman went away, and I hadn&apos;t felt them again until recently.
		I think my blooming sexuality finally drew her back out.
	</p>
	<p>
		I thought that Xander wanted to be male, and Lexi feared the surgery and lifetime of hormone therapy.
		That&apos;s not it though.
		Lexi wants to be female.
		Xander though, wants an unmodified (as far as surgery goes) body and doesn&apos;t want the lifetime of hormones.
		Xander would be fine in any body, as long as it was his natural one and didn&apos;t have any major issues.
		Xander&apos;s the reason I don&apos;t want a tattoo, and on the occasions that I consider getting one on my right shoulder blade, that&apos;s Lexi.
		Xander wins the argument against Lexi as far as a sex change, because no matter who wins, I&apos;m going to have body image issues whenever I&apos;m the other one.
		There&apos;s no reason to get a sex change if it won&apos;t actually make me happy.
		If I had been born female, I might never have discovered my duality.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="university">
	<h2>University life</h2>
	<p>
		I finished up my discussion posts for the week, finally:
	</p>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			It&apos;s worth noting that <abbr title="Hypertext Transfer Protocol">HTTP</abbr> doesn&apos;t define ports.
			<abbr title="Hypertext Transfer Protocol">HTTP</abbr> also doesn&apos;t define the hosts you&apos;re talking about, though it does define hosts for something else (the <abbr title="Hypertext Transfer Protocol">HTTP</abbr> <code>Host:</code> header).
			I think <abbr title="Internet Protocol">IP</abbr> defines them, though maybe it&apos;s the <abbr title="Transmission Control Protocol">TCP</abbr> that&apos;s built on top of it.
			<abbr title="Transmission Control Protocol">TCP</abbr>/<abbr title="Internet Protocol">IP</abbr> is where the host and port are defined and establish the connection.
			<abbr title="Hypertext Transfer Protocol">HTTP</abbr> is built on top of <abbr title="Transmission Control Protocol">TCP</abbr>/<abbr title="Internet Protocol">IP</abbr>, so it looks like it has certain attributes, but that&apos;s just the protocols beneath it that have those characteristics.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			I agree, that&apos;s probably the main thing to keep in mind: the <code>ServerSocket</code> will never participate in an actual connection.
			That&apos;s not its purpose.
			Instead, it listens for connection attempts and generates <code>Socket</code>s on demand, like you said.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			You make a great point about interoperability.
			Like any good networking protocol, sockets aren&apos;t platform-specific, so <code>Socket</code> objects can be used to communicate with programs written in other programming languages and running on other operating systems.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
</section>
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